For the past couple of weeks, I have been feeling as though I have been carrying around the burden of my own expectations. Particularly when it comes to my future and what it looks like. This past week, I have had a recurring thought of letting go and trusting God with my destiny. In a book I am reading called Strong Women, Soft Hearts, the author likened letting go to a trust fall. It’s like I have been climbing up a rope of my own plans halfway to my destination and now being told to let go, fall back and trust that I am going to be caught and gently placed back on my feet. This has been a test of faith and has brought up so many new anxieties and fears.

This past Wednesday, I asked for prayer about this and had a God moment almost immediately after. When I got back from bible study, I was reminded of a time in my life when I was terrified of thunderstorms. This fear lasted from early childhood through high school. I would think that lightning would strike me through my bedroom window, that the rolling thunder would split the earth in two, that the rain would never stop and would sweep me away in its persistence.

There was a specific moment in high school where I woke up in the middle of night during a frightening thunderstorm and all of these anxieties came rushing to my mind. I was tossing and turning and trying to find peace. I turned on my radio partially to distract myself and partially to see if there were any news reports or alarms I was missing. (this was pre cell phone era). As I flipped through the stations, I don’t remember the specific station or the context of this but I remember hearing the verse

Proverbs 3:24 You can go to bed without fear; you will lie down and sleep soundly.

I knew in that moment that God gave me that verse to let me know that He cared for me and would comfort me and give me the peace to fall asleep in the midst of the storm. That knowledge gave me the ability to sleep that night and the many nights of storms to come. Its crazy to think of how much I love thunderstorms now.

This memory brought me back to the anxiety I feel about my future. What happens if I let go and things don’t go according to plan, where will I be? Will I be a failure? Will I sink so far into depression that I won’t be able to see a way out? Or will I trust my desires with the God who has my future in His hands and sleep?