Remember the story in the bible about the adulterer who was set to be stoned by a judgemental crowd. Jesus, in a groundbreaking act, set her free and condemned her persecutors. He saved her life leaving her with the small caveat to go and sin no more. I think about that a lot. I think about how gracious I would feel towards this God who shamed my persecutors. I imagine I would pull out a pen and paper and ask “Now Jesus can you tell me exactly how I can go about sinning no more? What is the formula?”

I have been saved for many years and am still looking for this formula. In grade school, I remember several people calling me smart. I never really felt smart. I just listened in class and did what the teacher said. Ever the consummate rule follower, a lot of the reason I excelled in school was because I knew how to listen and apply. And I was rewarded for that. Award ceremonies for kids like me were our time to shine. I would strut across stage and proudly accept my certificate for best cursive writer or fastest reader. This was my approach to Sunday School too. I would beam with pride for every memorized verse and every bible quiz I aced. You would think I had this Christian thing in the bag.

Unsurprisingly, I got trapped in this funnel of thinking. I listen, I follow the rules, I get awarded. I do therefore I am. I will do all the work here, God, you can finish the perfecting process in heaven. I heard the grace message preached my whole life but I still treated grace like a partner on a road trip. You take this leg of the journey, Lord and I’ll pick up the other. But that’s not how grace works. Grace tells us to fall asleep in the passenger seat while it drives. No peeking or slamming on invisible brakes. Grace tells us to rest. Rest from the burden of perfection that we can never reach and just let God do the work in us.