Imagine walking into work one day and suddenly being ushered onto a stage facing hundreds of people. You have been awarded for your work and now you have to give a speech. Totally unprepared, you have to put on a mask of cool confidence and hope that people don’t see through it.

I imagine we all have put on masks and perform to a degree at some point in our lives. If not, we wouldn’t experience the feelings of shame for being exposed. I’ve been reading a book that has basically put a mirror in front of my mask.

Grace for the Good Girl talks about the mask of the “good girl”. The girl who follows the rules, the quiet, sweet girl with the listenin ear.This book reveals how the “good girl” performs and can often miss out on the wonderful gift of grace we have been given.

I think particularly of how my identity has been defined by these simplistic boxes that people have put me in: “smart, sweet, laid back, good natured, quiet” and all the other categories befitting of a good girl. I have felt as though I have had to perform to these ideas or I would end up letting people down. If I failed in my performance, I felt ashamed. I created myself in the image of men.

I took so much responsibility for how other people viewed me that I began to take on the responsibility for how God saw me as well. My walk with God has always felt lacking because I was doing all the work. I was not accepting God’s grace to do the work in me. I constantly felt as though I was failing Him (and I was). The author of the book explained this beautifully

Striving characterizes the law whereas rest characterizes grace. The law places responsibility on me to do, but grace is given by the initiative of God and invites me to be. Trying to keep the law leads to bondage, forcing me to figure things out on my own and cower behind a mask when I can’t get it right. But the grace of God brings freedom and power to do as he wills. Under the law, I struggle in vain attempts to control my behavior. Under grace, my life is an easy expression of the Spirit. The law says obey. Grace says believe and obedience will follow.

The image of the mask I see reflected in the mirror of this book is not pretty. It’s a pintrest fail, barely holding on at this point. Circumstances in my life have brought me to my knees in total humility towards God. I have had no choice but to bring myself to Him and expose my vulnerabilities and weaknesses. This has opened me to do the same with others. God in His unfailing love and endless patience is still chipping away at this man created image revealing to me the woman who was made in His image.