I wrote about self care in last week’s blog and a huge part of self-care is setting and protecting your boundaries. My inability to say no or properly set boundaries have caused flakiness, anger and resentment in the past. I believe that boundaries are so important to have because they protect you emotionally and physically and allow you the space to use your gifts and love people the way you were meant to. It was explained best in a book I’m reading called Boundaries by Henry Cloud.

Boundaries help us to distinguish our property so that we can take care of it. They help us to guard our heart “with all diligence” Prov. 4:23

I do well with setting boundaries when it comes to my moral compass, however, I struggle with knowing my limits with my emotional energy. I often feel led to say yes or offer my services out of fear of letting someone else down. I also battle with feeling selfish vs being more giving and loving towards others. This is a very real and existing struggle in my life and I still have a lot to learn.

I think it is so important to determine what your boundaries are first. A friend of mine said this looks like establishing your values. Do you value getting a full 8 hours of sleep a night? Do you value volunteering in the community? Do you value your family time? Once you’ve established your value set, you can begin setting boundaries to protect these. For her, she values connecting and speaking with people. She will never turn down an opportunity to speak at events or dinners. She also values getting to bed at a certain time, so she ensures that she sets boundaries when it comes to stopping communication after a specific time. I think its important to take time out to really think about what your personal values are.

Protecting your boundaries means just standing firm in your truth in a loving way. This is just an emotional muscle that needs to be developed more in my life. I sometimes feel as though me saying no is interpreted as a rejection of the actual person and this is something I project from my own misinterpretation of the word. Honesty and open communication can help assuage those negative emotions surrounding the word. Having conversations about the values you set for yourself can prepare others who suffer with misappropriated ideas of rejection and sometimes offering up another solution can allow you to still service the person’s needs differently.

So let’s talk about it! How do you set boundaries in your relationships whether it be family, work, friendships, church or dating?