I have a confession:
The term “self-care” did not enter my lexicon until about a year ago. I had been feeling overwhelmed with work, personal obligations, money and anxiety. I decided to take a day for myself and I did absolutely nothing. I had no conversations with anyone. I watched TV, ate pizza and played video games. It was an amazing day, but I also felt guilty. I had a conversation with my therapist about my feelings of shame for not doing anything productive for an entire day and she introduced me to the term.

It is wild to me how I had gone 32 years not knowing what self care was and the difference between self-care and selfishness. It almost always felt like selfishness. I would call these moments  going into “introvert mode”.  I found a journal entry from years ago about having days where I would binge on Netflix, do a lot of self-reflection and discovery and do things for me that are guaranteed to annoy others like read a book aloud or watch hours of military and dog reunions on YouTube. I wrote about having a love/hate relationship with these moods because I loved the time I got to spend for myself but hated feeling as though I was letting other people down by keeping them from me. I talked about the feeling of duplicity because I thoroughly love people and having meaningful, funny and thought-provoking conversations while also feeling the need to have times dedicated to just me.
The conversation with my therapist made me understand that there was no duplicity in these moments. I needed these moments BECAUSE I love people. Taking time for myself, prevented from getting snippy with a loved one  or feeling annoyed with someone because I was running low on fuel. I cannot pour love into people from an empty cup and this idea is biblical.

“Genesis 2:2: By the seventh day God completed His work that He had done, and He rested on the seventh day from all His work He had done.”

A long time ago, I started a bible study called Breathe, making room for Sabbath by Priscilla Shirer which talks about the importance of rest in the bible and the biblical way to establish that rest in our busy lives.  One of the things that stuck out to me in the very beginning of the book was her saying “when we neglect time to create ‘tranquility, serenity, peace and repose’ in our lives, we limit our Christlikeness and miss out on some of God’s greatest gifts.”  I am going to start this bible study again and I HIGHLY recommend it especially for parents.
While self-care or “introvert modes” are necessary in our lives, I do think there are times that it can veer into selfishness or unhealthy behaviors. I think you need to pay attention to your emotions and your energy . Check to see if these times make you feel energized and ready to pour into others with a full cup or if you just feel drained and emptier afterwards. Also, be aware of strongholds in your life. Sometimes shopping for yourself can be healthy and good, but if you’re shopping and spending a lot of money that you don’t have … maybe it’s not so good. It might not also be great to spend this time scrolling through social media if you struggle with constantly comparing yourself to others or if you’re like me and struggle with reading the comments on news stories and getting angry with the world. There are multiple  things that could provide a distraction from other stresses in your life but ultimately bring you down. Pay attention.
So, let’s chat! What are your ways of self-care?